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Samsung tried to get customers excited. Then the lawyers spoiled it all

The minute I got up, I felt that frisson.

New year, new laptop? These are the devices that should be at or near the top of your shortlist.

Samsung had decided to do something it’s rarely done: Follow Apple.

Here were new Galaxy Book Pro laptops that were excitingly light and brightly colored.

I rushed to learn more. Surely there was already a pulsating unboxing video with a white background, there to tempt me.

Yes, there was.

Here was a white box remarkably like the one Apple uses for its MacBooks. In fact, here was a presentation remarkably Apple-like. Or, the grudging would offer, Apple-lite.

The music may have been a little more clubland, but this was an unboxing for a new era, with pretty colors too.

Soon, though, my eyes kept twitching. The left one, in particular. It kept being dragged away to the bottom left-hand corner of the screen.

I stopped and restarted the video to see if I’d been (yet again) imagining things. But no, there went my eyes again.

Here, you see, were more disclaimers than in your average online terms of service.

“Available components may vary, depending on model, country or region,” said the tiny words, as the Galaxy Book Pro was being removed from its box. So, in some regions, my Book Pro may have lesser bits than in others?

Then, as Samsung showed off its fast charging plug and adapter, some more chilly water was being hosed upon me, before I’d even protested: “Adapter type may vary by region.”

Even the poor cable had to be qualified with: “Data cable type may vary by country.”

Three disclaimers within the first 14 seconds was a little much. What sort of spirit-dampening lawyers does Samsung employ? Do they get out enough?

No sooner had I observed the lovely mystic blue, pink and silver colors than Samsung’s lawyers told me: “Color availability may vary by country.”

Apple’s Mac lineup can be confusing as the company continues to transition from Intel processors to its own Apple Silicon processors. But we’re here to help.

Oh please, Samsung. There are only three colors. Surely it’s not too much to deliver them to everyone.

I’d like to tell you things got better. We were nineteen seconds in and my spirit was descending.

But here was the glorious, Air-like thinness being displayed. Surely there could be no qualifier to that.

Oh, but there could: “Thickness may vary depending on display size, model, graphic configuration, and other factors.” What other factors? The temperature? The government in power? The mood of the country or region?

A blessed rest ensued. Until, that is, the 30th second. This was the moment when Samsung boasted of the unbearable lightness of its Book Pros.

And the lawyers said: “Weight may vary depending on display size, model, graphic configuration or other factors.”

This had become a little too much. I watched the rest of the video in a cross-eyed haze, as the disclaimers came thicker and faster than the Galaxy Book Pro. Were there 15? Were there 20? It certainly felt like it.

Some shots had three or four disclaimers, all stacked one upon another and the ultimate effect was of an odd comedy sketch where a newsreader is speaking and his co-anchor keeps interrupting with: “What he really means….”

I’m entirely prepared to believe these laptops are a large step forward for humankind.

I’m not sure I can say the same for Samsung’s lawyers.

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